Hi i just need someone to check my work. I did an assignment on English Language paper 2 question Q2. I got some feedback from my teacher but i don't really understand them.

for the highlighted sentence she said it was unclear????
also she gave me an ebi of what i should do better next time. can you like explain it to me and also help me of how i can apply this to my work to improve it?
thx

Hi i just need someone to check my work I did an assignment on English Language paper 2 question Q2 I got some feedback from my teacher but i dont really unders class=