Does this sound a good application letter? (everything in parenthesis is personal information)

I am a Sophomore at (school) in (town), I am a straight A student who has a passion for fine arts. During the summer i intern at (job), and I work well with others and am able to multitask with a positive mindset.
I would enjoy working at (job im applying for) because of the amazing selection of drinks and baked goods! Every time I have been to (job im applying for) I have felt comfortable and enjoyed the atmosphere, and would love contributing to the community by being a barista here!

My name is (name). I am a Sophomore at (school) in (town), I am a straight A student who has a passion for fine arts. During the summer, I had a intern at (job), and I work well with others and am able to multitask with a positive mindset.

I would enjoy working at (job im applying for) because of the amazing selection of drinks and baked goods! Every time I have been to (job im applying for) I have felt comfortable and enjoyed the atmosphere, and would love contributing to the community by being a barista here!