Question

Can anyone please read my Argument Essay please to make sure it makes sense please im from k12 online school and I need someone to read Argument Essay, please

it's about Production and sales of tobacco must be made illegal

My first reason is that people keep on wasting their time smoking tobacco and not worrying about jobs or taking care of their child's but all their worried about is smoking tobacco and buying more packs of its tobacco store's should be shut down because of all the people it is killing I bet that the people that are smoking this tobacco I bet that they don't know what kinds of Disease's they can get from smoking tobacco There is a Health risk of pipe tobacco that leads to Nicotine addiction COPD and Toxic chemical exposure and it can lead to Cancer and Heart disease and having a Stroke theses deadly thinks that Tobacco could lead to is really series I think that people that smoking tobacco has made a bad decision they could be in the hospital right now suffering from the Tobacco it can destroy your lungs and it might be able to also kill your heart and that is why so many people have cancer because they are smoking tobacco and heart Disease's it kills over 10.0000 people'' each day from for all the bad things that are in tobacco people shouldn't even be buying this deadly product.

For an example tobacco companies spend more than $34 million each day on marketing to encourage people to use this tobacco product this should actually be made illegal and the tobacco store's they should just get shut down because of all the deaths that are happening in the United States and in other countries I don't know if they are ever gonna shut down the tobacco shops it would make the world much better if there were no people dying from the smoke that's coming from the cigarettes and other types of thing's people smoke people should never start vaping if they do they would want to smoke tobacco use is expensive researchers have determined that the average cigarette smoker uses one and a half packs each day the average price per pack in most states has risen to more than $5 dollars people should be paying that much just for stuff that can kill you and shorten your life that can make you die earlier than when you're almost to your one hundred and I believe people want to live for a very long time and hopefully, the first thing that is on the illegal is smoking tobacco I hope that every person that starts to smoke tobacco should be taken to jail.

My third the reason is that people keep on buying tobacco, and they don't even know what's gonna happen to them they could die from hard attack but I don't want that to happen to everyone that tries to smoke tobacco is just putting more risk of heart disease and other damages it does to your body I wish that they would just make tobacco products banish and be out of this world and just be more like everyone else not smoking drugs and just having: a good life and not being edition-ed to tobacco or any other bad products that should have been gone a long time ago they shouldn't have even invented tobacco or any other products that are made from the same company that makes the tobacco and I don't want you to either but never start buying tobacco or smoking it's not worth it

Answer 1

Essays usually have an introduction paragraph, which has a hook, and the thesis statement, but yours is missing. Your essay also has things like "i think", and that makes it less professional sounding. You want them to sound like facts, not opinions. Just like your intro paragraph, your conclusion paragraph is missing also. It seems that you could also make it a little shorter but easier to understand if you are more straightforward. Try to use words that have more intense meaning. You can use Thesaurus.com. I hope that this helps and good luck with your essay!