Question

how to revise this paragraph


This is a good thing because it allows kids to be in touch with their parent or guardian so they know how they will get home or if they are in sports or something that takes planning. I also think that this is a good idea because it can allow kids to keep up with grades to where they could get notifications and see if they have missing assignments! It could also help them get help if in a bad situation! For example, if there is a fire or an accident that happened, they would be able to call for help. Having a cell phone could also help your kid to have responsibilities. You could ask your kid to go do the dishes and include that they will get their phone taken away if they don't go do it in 5 minutes.

Answer 1

Answer:  Instead of saying "This is a good thing", say "I believe this is a bright idea" (or you can stick with "good idea"). Also, I wouldn't put so many exclaimation points. For example, putting an exclaimation point after "bad situation" is not necessary.

Explanation: