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Writing More Descriptive Sentences: Sample Student Essay
Directions: Here is a sample review essay paragraph from a student outlining a menu option
available at a local tea house. Identify sentences that you think could benefit from more specific
and descriptive language. Underneath the paragraph, edit a few of these sentences using some of
the same techniques we practiced.
As you read this sample, please edit for grammar as well.
Sample:
-1. Another famous plate is their toast. 2. I know that hearing the word "toast", doesn't
sound appealing but their toast is a one of a kind. 3. The toast is special and unique compare to
other toast that is made at home or other restaurant. 4 There are varieties of toast that contains
with different topping, goodies, and fillings. 5. This toast certainly can make a unhappy person to
smile once again. 6. The most popular one is called Macaroon Party. 7. It a cube of toast that
have ice cream topping on it, macaroons on it, fruits, whip cream, and all other sort of goodies. 8.
It makes you want to say wow and the first sight of it makes you want to stare at the beauty of
the toast. 9. The toast gives a sweet taste and the combination of toast, filling, macaroon, and
cream goes so well. 10. One plate of these can be shared with four people to eat. II. The price
for these toasts is around eight to ten dollars. 12. The price for a toast seems overboard, but for
this toast it show why it is worth the money it deserves.
dy that we used for the stations
